The Unholy Trinity of Corporate Email Lingo: A Meme

In the vast expanse of corporate communication, there exist certain words and phrases that have become synonymous with obfuscation and pretentiousness. These linguistic abominations are often used by well-meaning individuals who wish to sound intelligent, but end up alienating their colleagues instead. In this article, we'll explore three of the most egregious offenders: 'bespoke,' 'bandwidth,' and 'alignment.'

Bespoke: The Suits of Yore

Originally a term used to describe men's tailored suits, 'bespoke' has somehow made its way into our corporate lexicon. It's a word that's perfect for describing anything that's overly complicated or pretentious. For example, 'We've optimized your marketing campaign using many bespoke social media ads.' Translation: 'We spent an inordinate amount of time and money trying to sound impressive.'

Bandwidth: The Art of Procrastination

Next up is 'bandwidth,' a word that's become synonymous with excuses. When someone says they don't have the bandwidth for a particular task, what they're really saying is 'I'm too busy doing something else.' It's a polite way of saying you're not interested or capable of handling a project. For example, 'I'd love to jump in and help you with your epic dumpster fire of an emergency project, but I don't have the bandwidth right now.' Translation: 'I'd rather be doing anything else.'

Alignment: The Ultimate Buzzword

Finally, there's 'alignment,' a word that's become the ultimate buzzword among corporate leaders. It's often used to describe the process of getting everyone on the same page, but what it really means is 'agreement' or 'compliance.' For example, 'Are we all in alignment on this?' Translation: 'Do you agree with me?'

In conclusion, these three words are just a few examples of the many business buzzwords that need to be eradicated from our vocabulary. It's time for us to speak plainly and honestly, without resorting to jargon and cliches. As the great philosopher once said, 'It takes a truly bespoke kind of asshole to use this word in daily life.' So let's take a stand against corporate email lingo and demand clear communication from our colleagues and leaders.

Corporate email lingo meme